I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
