ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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