I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
