Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
