From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
