So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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