They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
