Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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