Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
