yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
