Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
