im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
