dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
