How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
