i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
