I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
