hotel room ftw
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
