so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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