Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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