there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
