Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
