she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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