Swine flu. Run for my life!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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