I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
