Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
