my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
