That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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