What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
