It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
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Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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