dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
