You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
