how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
