just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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