It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
