when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
