I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize