Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
