Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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