I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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