It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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