I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
