Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
