how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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