yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
