Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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