So drunk, too bad you don't want this
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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