Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
