playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
