today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
