Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
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Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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