i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
