I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
