I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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