I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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