We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
