i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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