Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
