I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
