Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
