There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
