I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
