i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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