GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
