When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
