2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
