dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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