Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize