Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There's even glitter on my cock...
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