Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
