a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
