Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
