I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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