Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
