Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
