we're blogging at a bar
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
