I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
