He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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