I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
