i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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