Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i already hear my dad disowning me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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